Wednesday, October 20, 2010

IF FOUND: PLEASE RETURN

"I live in the driftwood, a true local. I will eat anyone who comes from anywhere but here.... I eat people like you for breakfast....

If you don't live in the sand like a crab, collect shellfish, bathe in salt, breathe water and dress in kelp, i will never know you. I am a true local-- I will localize you; smash your sand castle and drink your last beer. I will make pajamas out of your favorite board sock. Don't mess with me!"

Rawwwr!!!!


attention all beach wanderers: big, mean, scary surf girl on the loose! look out. if you see this person, please give her some clothes, a razor to shave her legs, some sunscreen, a bra, some table manners, some etiquette. she is out of control, alienating her brothers and sisters, pissing off surfers from all walks of life...

what happened?? she used to be so NICE! so predictably peaceful and loving. and now, look at her! she's lost her way, discriminating against surfers based on where they live and how they treat one another in the water.

please, please, bring this girl home. she needs her sleep, her love, her vegetables, her egyptian 600-thread-count sheets....

IF FOUND: PLEASE RETURN

2 comments:

turtle said...

That's the spirit. I for one wouldn't dare drop in on this sea creature or try to tame this wild child. Scamper along...

patrick said...

600 thread count sheets? Fuck!!! too rich for my blood. I'll stick to sleeping in my clothes...