Monday, November 23, 2009

larger than life

i took my mom to look at the ocean today : she needed a bigger perspective and i knew it would allow her the space she needed to think about some larger than life decisions. she said, "i wish i knew the ocean as well as you do." i told her that she knew it well; how could she not? especially after living here for years, every night filled with sounds of waves filtering in through her bedroom window and permeating her dreams with the peaceful roar.

she said, "you know it better, what it feels like to be on the surface of it." i thought about that for a while, the intimacy of knowing waves from the inside out, the fear, the joy, the love, the power. i tried to explain it to her and i think she understood what i was saying, what it is like to know something on a visceral level.

she said, "i like what happens when a wave starts to break and the mist comes off of the top of the wave and blows backwards."
i like it too, i thought. what surfer doesn't love the miracle of offshore winds blowing spray into your eyes as you drop in to a nicely shaped wall. i tried to explain that phenomenon as well.
she said, "i like to think that when i am no longer here, all of this will still be going on without me."
all i could think was "yeah, but i will miss you."

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