indelible (for my mom)

how alone was she
knowing no sanctuary
from our grief
knowing that her own gravity
brought us here
and would eventually dissolve us?

like storm water bleeding
earth into sea
this life became muddy
new color, new taste.

with november came time
to take in the laundry
put hay in the barn
bed down.
warned of the storm
we made shelter

come winter she revealed
new wings
blue eyes
waning breath for what
seemed like an era
now just flash

time captured indelible sunlit
days frozen like still life
i can see her smiling
midday gold
also crying
early morning gray

something about a dream
lost in the city

chinese new year, dragons
she tells me
she is afraid

twilight draws itself slowly
across the sea like a cape
once silver
now exhaling the sun
last reflected in mahogany water

in the morning i bring her coffee:
i can see her vertebrae
protruding through old clothes,
her back so small
i can contain her easily in just my arms

i hold on to what i can
i hold on with all i'm worth

(except for her loneliness:
                fluid, slippery
                          always the hardest thing to hold).